A Very Public Statement

Your wedding invitation is your introduction to the world as a couple.  That can be stressful.  It’s no surprise then that the most questions we get from clients come from wedding couples.  Many of these questions concern etiquette issues — like how to word a wedding invitation when the couple is paying for the wedding.  Or how do you order thank you notes prior to the wedding if you haven’t yet decided whether to take your fiancé’s name?

Some questions, of course, are more practical — like what’s the difference between engraved or thermography and does it matter?

Here then are answers to some of the most frequently asked questions — the ones we hear again and again.  Let’s start with the ones we just mentioned.

How should I word an invitation if my fiancé and I are paying for the wedding, not our parents?

It is traditional to have the parents’ names on the invitation — as in, “Mr. and Mrs. John Smith announce the marriage of their daughter….”  And many couples want to follow this tradition even if the parents are not paying for the wedding (which this wording may imply).  Couples who pay for their own wedding should absolutely feel comfortable using the traditional wording if that is their preference — after all, they are ones paying!

I haven’t decided whether to change my name … how can I order my thank you notes when I order my invitations?

Couples should order their thank you notes when they order their invitations … to save time and also to save money (for example, on proofs and shipping).  But some couples hesitate because of the “name” issue.  One solution is to use first names.  Another is to use a two-letter monogram rather than a three-letter monogram.

If I want formal attire, how do I indicate "black tie”?

Any event after 6 PM is considered a formal occasion, unless indicated otherwise on the invitation. However, you may use the words "black tie" just to be sure. If you would prefer, but do not insist, on a formal wedding, use "black tie invited" or "black tie optional."

What about an “A” list and a “B” list?  Is that proper?

Yes, just be sure you leave enough time between sending out the “A” list and the “B” list so you will know how many on the “B” list to send.  Generally, send the “A” list invitations eight weeks ahead.  Then send out the “B” list invitations as regrets are received — but only up to three weeks prior to the event.

Our parents (all four of them) are divorced and remarried … what’s the proper wording?

There are several ways to handle the wording when parents are divorced.  One of the most popular wordings is “Mary Smith and Mark Jones, together with their parents ….”

I am considering a job change.  Should I send save-the-dates to coworkers?

Save-the-date cards are great for letting people know they should reserve your date on their calendars — especially if they have to travel long distances.  But, remember, whoever receives a save-the-date must also receive the actual wedding invitation — including ex-coworkers you may no longer be close to.

What’s the difference between engraving and thermography?

Both methods produce raised lettering. However, engraved invitations are printed using a copper plate with lettering etched into the plate.  The copper plate pressed against the paper causes the letters to be raised on the front and indented on the back.  In thermography, the letters are printed on the page.  A powder is then sprinkled on the page before the paper is passed through a heated tunnel.  Some of the powder sticks to the letters and the rest is vacuumed off.  The heat melts the powder, which forms a clear raised surface over the printed image.  The paper itself remains flat.

So which is better?  Engraving is the Rolls Royce of printing.  Engraved letters may be sharper and more distinct than thermography.  Thermography lettering is less expensive and looks very similar to engraving to most people.

Who must I invite?  Who must receive invitations?

An invitation is sent to a single adult, to a couple living together, and to a married couple and their children (under 18). Younger children are listed by name on the inside envelope, if they are to be included. Guests over 18 receive their own invitations. Everyone who you want to be at the wedding (including members of the wedding party, such as your bridesmaids) must receive an invitation either as an individual or as part of a couple.

How soon before the wedding should I begin the process of ordering my invitations?

Six months is ideal.  Different printers have different requirements.  Also, more intricate and personalized invitations will take longer — both to plan and to print — than will invitations that come right out of the book. 

How soon before a wedding should invitations be sent out?

About eight weeks although ten weeks is okay if there will be many guests from out of town, if there is an "A" and "B" list, or if the wedding takes place over a holiday weekend.